


How to Fail at Surprising your Boyfriend for Valentine's Day

by Xeiniex



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Dorks in Love, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Secret Relationship, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29437071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xeiniex/pseuds/Xeiniex
Summary: Bumblebee, after learning that today is the holiday that celebrates love, decides to surprise his secret boyfriend, Bltizwing, with an exciting celebration. Blitzwing also learns about the holiday, and plans a surprise celebration of his own. No need to worry though, nothing's on fire (yet). Happy Valentine's Day!
Relationships: Blitzwing/Bumblebee (Transformers)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	How to Fail at Surprising your Boyfriend for Valentine's Day

Bumblebee was, at first, far too involved in his game to acknowledge the cheerful hum and clicking shoes skipping through the base. Only when a red piece of construction paper was dropped in front of his eyes did he blink back to reality.  
The heart-shapped red paper was covered in crayon doodles. There were words, but he couldn’t read them as the paper waved back and forth in front of his face.  
“Morning Bee! Happy Valentine’s day!” Sari sang.  
There was a familiar beep, and Bee panicked as he peaked around the paper. It was far too late, and red flooded over the screen as the familiar “GAME OVER” faded into view. He groaned.  
“Sorry.” Sari said, hugging the paper back to her chest.  
Bee shook his head, still in a little bit of a game play funk. “It’s fine, I’ve been stuck on that level since Thursday. Anyway, it’s what day?”  
“Valentine’s!” Sari cried, pressing the card into his chest. He took it, and she skipped off towards Prowl, who was meditating across the room.  
Bee scratched the top of his head. “Uh, say again?”  
Sari gently balanced another heart-shaped card on Prowl’s head, carefully making sure it wouldn’t fall, before turning back to Bee with a wide grin. “Val-en-tine’s! It’s a holiday all about love, hearts, and most importantly,” Sari pulled a small, pink box from her pocket, and shook it at Bee.“Candy!”  
She tilted the box up and poured the candy into her mouth, crunching enthusiastically.  
Bee blinked at her, and then looked down at his card, which read, “I’ll never TIRE of you, best friend!” With a drawing of a small yellow car (which he assumed was him) driving up a mountain. “So uh… candy and really corny jokes, huh?”  
Sari rolled her eyes. “And love! Friendship love, family love, even,” she pointed into her mouth and pretended to gag. “Smoochy love.”  
Bee’s mouth flattened into a straight line.  
Smoochy love was exactly the kind of love he was looking forward to that night. Smoochy love under a cozy little bridge while lying on Blitzwing’s chest as stars glimmered overhead, specifically.  
The idea of “smoochy” love used to disgust him just as much as Sari was enacting, but now, he couldn’t understand why it grossed her out so much. He watched her fake-cough and pretend to puke all over the floor, and wondered if he’d ever be able to tell her that he fell victim to such a revolting way of living.  
Course, rest of his team could never know about his relationship either (for a very different reason), but Sari would at least understand a little better than any of them would. Maybe.  
She laughed off her gagging and said, “Anyway, to celebrate, I like to write bad jokes on cards and give them to my dad. Though, this year I can give them to you guys too!” She skipped over to Bulkhead next, who was working on his latest painting. She tapped his shoulder and handed him the card.  
“And that’s all you do?” Bee shrugged. “I kinda like Christmas more, gonna be honest.”  
“Thanks Sari, I think you’re ‘loads’ of fun too!” Bulkhead told her, folding his card nicely and putting it beside the easel.  
Sari nodded a thanks, then stuck her hands on her hips and turned back to Bee. “This isn’t the only way to celebrate! Lots of people go on dates.”  
Bee’s eyes widened a little. “Really?” He had a date that very night! Coincidence? Or just plot?  
Sari nodded. “Yep! And they give each other flowers and candy and presents and do other gross grown-up romance stuff.”  
Today was a holiday specifically for giving presents and going on dates? Oh, this was perfect, but he needed ideas. Subtly, he asked, “How else do you celebrate?”  
“Eat fancy food, ride in swan boats, watch bad movies about shirtless guys,” Sari pretend-gagged again. “Why?”  
Bee shrugged. “I’m uhhhhh…” he scrambled for only a second. “Trying to figure out if there’s a magic bunny or something that’s supposed to hide eggs all over the base again.”  
“That’s easter, it’s still a few months out.” Sari told him.  
“Ahh, okay.” He said, slumping back into the couch. He couldn’t help but smirk at the thought of surprising Blitzwing. It’d be just like Christmas, except this holiday was all about love! That was even better!  
‘Vat iz all zis?’ he’d say, and Bee’d hand him a card like Sari’s and it would say like ‘You’re triple my valentine’. No wait that’s really bad, maybe ‘you can’t con me, Valentine!’. Ah something like that, but then he’d say, ‘Oh Blitzy, today’s just the human holiday of love, so I got us some ruststicks and high grade to enjoy under the moonlight. By the way,’ and then he’d bow with a rose in his mouth and nonchalantly fix his bowtie, just like in those human spy movies. ‘Care to tango?’ he’d say, his voice suddenly low enough to mock a choir bass. Then Blitz would be all like, ‘Vhy of course darlinkt Hummel, romance me!’ and they’d sway and kiss under the light of the moon together until the sun rose.  
He sighed at the beauty of it all. Then a sharp pain shot through his helm as ratchet swatted his head, thoroughly snapping him out of it.  
“Hey, ow!” Bee yelled.  
Ratchet harrumphed. “I told you last night to clean up all the junk spilling out of your room into the hallway!” His eyes narrowed at Bee. “I don’t mind the mess except when I have to crawl over it to get to my lab. Just keep it in your room, spark’s sake.”  
“It’s not that bad! I’ll take care of it,” Bee told him.  
Sari walked up and held the note up to Ratchet, saying, “Happy Valentine’s day, Ratchet!”  
He picked up the note and asked, “What shape is this supposed to be? Two ovals and a triangle?”  
“It’s a heart!” Sari said, before rolling on her heels. “Actually it’s two hearts, put together. They’re together cause of love though, definitely not because some weird scientist stapled them together, that’s gross. Wait,” Sari scratched her head. “You guys don’t have hearts, you’ve got sparks, right?”  
Bee ducked away from them and began sneaking to his room instead, hoping to get out of any potential chores.  
“Yes Sari, I suppose our sparks are similar to your heart.” Ratchet told her.  
“So, what do two sparks together look like?” Sari asked.  
Bee stopped. That was a thought he’d never had. What did conjuxed sparks look like? He thought it was just a buncha glowing, and that was really it.  
“Well, Spark-bonding was a process that conjuxed bots would undergo to maintain-”  
“Uh, can you explain what shape it would be in english for me?” Sari responded. Bee turned back around and leaned against the frame of the doorway, pretending not to listen.  
Ratchet grumbled. “In the process of bonding, two sparks orbit each other. They’d look kinda like ah… infinity symbol. Course, since the war, spark bonding’s basically a lost ideology. Us autobots, we’re too busy training to keep our planet safe to undergo such pointless things, and Cons can’t love, so they have no need to.”  
“But anyone could bond with anyone!” He stated a little too angrily. Ratchet turned, giving him the evil eye.  
Bee cleared his throat. “I mean, Cons can still bond, they just don’t do it for love. I didn’t want Sari to get uh, confused.” He tapped his fingers together, silently hating the words that came out of his mouth.  
Ratchet nodded. “Right. They only bond if it’ll make them more powerful in some way, or as some kind of monstrous peace-keeping technique. Cons never bond because they want to bond.”  
Bee clenched his fists behind his back.  
Sari, on the other hand, was completely unfazed and instead said, “Welp, guess I’ll go make a bunch of infinity-sign cards for everyone then! Be right back.” She ran off through the factory. Ratchet huffed and went off in the same direction.  
Bee bit his lower lip. He pushed down all the nasty thoughts and replaced them with good, happy, lovey-dovey thoughts. He couldn’t afford to be grouchy tonight, because tonight was gonna be all about romance.  
And all good romance starts with a simple, cheesy card.  
He turned to Bulkhead, who as still casually painting.  
“Hey Bulk, can you do me a solid and paint me a card for Sari?” he asked, leaning against the wall by the easel.  
Bulkhead looked at him with a smile. “Sure can! Consider it my very own Valentine’s present to you, little buddy!”  
Bee nodded, “Awesome! So, I want it card shaped, and then on the outside is an infinity symbol, painted purple and yellow. I’ll fill the inside, but I want it huge! Use the biggest paper you got!” He tried to make it as vague as possible.  
Bulkhead questioned him anyway. “Yellow and purple? Why those colors?”  
Because that was his and Blitz’s respective paint jobs. “Because those are Sari’s favorite colors. She told me herself.” He felt bad about lying to Bulkhead, and silently told himself to make up for it later.  
“Really?” Bulkhead said, gently laying his last canvas on the side of the easel and carefully clipping a sheet of paper to the top. “Sure you don’t want some other colors, like green and blue, or maybe pink and orange?”  
“Psh!” Bee waved his hand at him. “I want to make it the best card for her ever, that means using her favorite colors of course.”  
“Well all right, but just saying,” He began swirling his brush on the pallet. “Purple and yellow are awful together. Whenever they mix they make this horrible brown. They’re just completely incompatible, really, it’s unnatural for them to even be together.”  
Bee frowned, slumping forward in annoyance. “Gee, thanks bud.” He grumbled.  
“Just sayin.” Bulk said, getting to work on the massive card.  
The paper (thankfully) was almost as tall as Bee was, so Blitz shouldn’t have any problem with it, considering he had no problem picking him up all the time. He chuckled silently as he sat back on the couch and schemed for tonight’s date.

Blitzwing wasn’t stomping, but his footfalls wear still loud enough to be heard in the main room. He had known this earthling holiday was going to happen for a while now,and he still had no idea what he was going to give Bee that night.  
About two earth months ago, they had a date where Bee presented him with a small collection of gifts for the organic holiday “Christmas”. It was a wonderful night they shared, but Blitzwing couldn’t help but feel… lacking.  
Gift-giving was a matter of balance, equality, and communication, he counted on his fingers. He failed on all fronts, having nothing to return the favor to Bee with.  
To think, a concern as measly as wanting to give a gift to his love would lead him, of all cons, to trying to find another pointless organic holiday Bee might celebrate. After stealing a unbelievably small calendar from the organic’s waste zone, He decided “Vay-lentils day” was the perfect choice because A: It was coming recently, B: it underlined as a holiday, and most importantly, C: it had the earthling love symbol on the image of the date, which he assumed probably meant it was a day celebrating love.  
Which.  
Was.  
Perfect!  
That was about all he learned about it, so from there he assumed the easiest course of action was to celebrate it the same way Bumblebee had celebrated Christmas with him. Giving presents.  
And that brought him here, pacing in his “room” (cave), the “door” (tarp) flapping gently every time he passed it. He hummed a little as he thought, still unsure of exactly what he wanted to make for Bee.  
Making him a sculpture was an obvious answer to the gift problem, but what to sculpt? It couldn’t be anything specficly meticulous like a statue of him and Bumblebee, that would undoubtedly be found by the rest of his team.  
He could sculpt just Bumblebee, perhaps, except then Bee would come under fire as to why he had this beautifully crafted statue of himself just sitting in his room. He couldn’t make it obvious, just something nice and quaint.  
Or, he supposed, he could do the very opposite. He could make something HUGE, carve out the entire mountain for Bee! He had all day, he could make it work. It would look like that one organic monument with the faces in the mountain, except just Bee. He pondered the idea, sitting on his berth and idly kicking the base of it as his triangular teeth gnawed on his knuckle.  
Bee’s team would be too flabbergasted to even think it might’ve been Blitzwing to do it. Maybe they’d think it was a natural formation even! Bee’s face just erupting out the side of a mountain on some regular day? How peculiar, must be the fault activity we’ve been getting here in central detroit!  
Alright, maybe not. His finger was ripped from his mouth as his faces spun.  
He fell back on his berth. Why was this so hard? They’d been talking for three earth months! He knew Bee better than he knew Lugnut at this point! Why was figuring out a gift he’d actually like so challenging? Last Christmas, Bee gave him a cool looking rock, a disc full of jazzy dance music to play on his aricraft radio, another cool looking rock, and they were the best presents ever--Both rocks were still sitting on the floor at the foot of his berth, where he would occasionally pet them, and the disc was in his radio right now, paused of course.  
He growled. He could narrow this down. He wanted to make something Bee could use, OR something he specifically asked for, OR just something fun and pretty he could look at and be reminded of him when he was feeling sad. One of the three…  
…But why not all three?  
He sat up, pointing at the ceiling. An idea!TM Switched on in his mind.  
Then he fell back down again, his helm almost throbbing from the amount of spinning it was doing in the past ten minutes. Bee always managed to make his head spin. 

The card was finished, and it was beautiful. Bee folded it nicely and took a good fifteen minutes trying to figure out what to write in it before he hid it in his still-messy bedroom.  
Now it was time for phase two, the most dangerous part of the mission. If he would be romancing Blitzwing that night, they needed fancy drinks. Thankfully, Bee knew exactly where to get some.  
He somersaulted down the hall past Optimus, who said, “Good morning Bee.” Bee ignored him for the sake of the undercover mission and rolled away.  
He stood up and scooted along the wall towards the lab, eyes narrowed as he observed all possible ambush routes. He sneaked into the lab, unspotted.  
Now, for the real stealth part. Ratchet was clicking away on the terminal on the far side of the room, but thankfully, Bee wasn’t headed that way. He instead silently ducked and crawled under the tables and around obstacles to the steel door on the other side. Completely covert, he leaned against the wall to vent and wait to enact phase three.  
Ratchet grumbled something to himself, and Bee stopped moving. At least, he tried to stop moving. He was shaking with terror at the prospect of getting caught, but thankfully, Ratchet chuckled once and then turned, leaving the lab vacant except for Bee.  
He leaned over, speaking into his wrist. “Coast is clear, I’m headed in.”  
Obviously, nobody responded because he wasn’t wearing a watch.  
He pushed the door open, and out flooded the smell of… well, it was a pretty nonspecific smell, actually. Bee sniffed the air. Like, that weird smell that old people just… have. “Old people smell” sounds really rude, but he wasn’t sure if there was any other way to put it. Maybe like, “eldery frgrance”?  
Nope, nope that was way worse. Definitely old people smell.  
He ducked inside.  
Ratchet’s berthroom was dark, and completely empty compared to Bee’s. He began his search by the doors, but it didn’t take long-the only furniture in the whole room was the berth, a metal desk-table across from it, and a steel chest on the floor.  
He carefully unlatched the chest and peeled the box open. His eyes widened in amazement.  
A whole dozen cubes of high-grade, glowing bright pink like the neon sign over a diner. The powerful substances just sat there, glimmering, noxious, highly explosive drinks Bee had only heard of in myth and legend.  
He had no idea how much he should take.  
He tapped his fingers together in thought. Ratchet wouldn’t notice for a while if he only took one cube, but only one cube? Would that be enough for Blitzwing? He was three times Bee’s height, he might not be able to taste it if he brought the whole box!  
He sighed. So maybe they wouldn’t clink wine glasses together on a beach at sunset. Darn.  
Finally, after careful debate, he grabbed one cube and neatly packed it in his subspace. He’d have one sip, and then Blitzwing could have the rest.Hopefully, it was fancy enough.  
The door to ratchet’s room swung open.  
Panicking, Bee slammed the box closed and jumped under the desk,quickly hugging himself to the wall as Ratchet shuffled his way over, kneeling at the chest of high grade.  
Bee’s eyes widened. He was about to notice the missing cube!  
But no, instead, Ratchet shifted it out of the way and picked up the toolbox set behind it. He began to hum as he stood and walked back out of the room, letting the door stay open behind him.  
Bee relaxed, the tension in his engine coughing loose once again, and he listened to hear if Ratchet noticed.  
Apparently not. Carefully, he somersaulted out of the room and then the lab, heading back to his own Berthroom. He hid the high grade under the card, so nobody would be able to find it. He smiled to himself, and began preparing for phase three. 

Blitzwing vented slowly, trying to be as meticulous as possible with the chunk of limestone that he sliced from the wall of his “room” (still a cave). Littering the ground around him were stone scraps and many, many previous failures. He huffed, trying to zoom in on a section of the statue before realizing he couldn’t because he didn’t have that face on.  
Upon realizing why his vision was red, he snarled. He needed his monocular to see the detail on this part, so the sudden face switch only succeeded in making him more frustrated. He slammed his fist on the floor beside him, a spiderweb of cracks erupting from where it landed. He put the carving down and stood up, walked over to the side wall and kicked it hard enough to rattle the door (still just a tarp).  
A sharp pain shot up his leg and he grabbed it, swearing in pain, as he hopped a few times and fell backwards with a crash.  
Now on the floor, he blinked up at the ceiling. He couldn’t allow himself to get distracted like this, he needed these gifts done by tonight. He needed focus more than anything else right now.  
He let himself vent a few times, and the rage-filled thoughts began to slow through his head. With a whirr, he could once again zoom in and out on the ceiling above him.  
He sat up, thoughts now a little calmer, and picked up his statue again. Carefully, he zoomed in on one of the wings and slowly, cautiously picked up the sculpting tool and carefully, carefully…  
Snapped the wing right off the statue.  
His vision flooded with scarlet as he swore, loudly.  
Quickly standing, he threw the statue at the “door”, where it tore a hole through it and crashed into the wall outside his “room”.  
Blitzwing tore the tarp out of the way and picked up the statue again, this time shattering it into the floor, and then taking aim, shooting fire from his canons at the tiny sculpture. He might’ve also been screaming, but didn’t notice.  
He vented, fists clenched at his sides, as he suddenly became very, uncomfortably aware of Starscream standing beside him.  
Blitzwing’s head jerked to stare at him, who continued to stare at the burning wreckage of the statue. He turned back to Blitzwing, mouth opening to say something, when Blitz stood straight, his face quickly swapping again as he pointed down the hall and said, “Lord Megatron is that way.”  
Starscream stared down the dark hall, and the looked back at Blitzwing, then at the fire, and then Blitzwing, then down the hall again.  
He nodded once, clearly just as uncomfortable as Blitzwing was with this entire situation. “Thanks.” He said quickly, before clearing his throat and walking down the hall.  
Blitzwing exhaled deeply with relief, as down the hall he heard, “Megatron, your doom is upon y-” and a loud bang.  
Blitzwing rubbed his optic ridge and put one hand up, flapping along to Megatron’s words as he called, “Blitzwing, Lugnut, come and take out the trash!” He put up his other hand, which flapped to Lugnut’s, “Of course my Lord, anything to please you! Blitzwing!” somewhat exasperated but mostly relived he hadn’t been caught, he walked passed the now smoldering sculpture to the main hub. 

Bee leaned on the back of couch and asked, “How do you make Ruststicks?” as though it were the most casual question he had ever given Ratchet.  
It took Ratchet a moment to register what he’d said. “Homemade ruststicks?” Ratchet looked up at him, completely incredulous.  
“Yeah!” Bee said, tapping on his chest with a couple hollow, metal clunks. “I’ve had a craving for a long time now, and we can’t get em here, so I thought I should make some, ya know?”  
Ratchet glared thoughtfully at him. “Earth-made won’t be nearly as good as Cybertronian, no matter how hard you try.”  
Bee shrugged. “Worth a shot, isn’t it?”  
Ratchet nodded, venting slowly. “I might know a recipe, I’ll message it to your HUD if you want to make em. You’ll need to substitute a few things here or there, like Earth oil for good energon, and if I was you,” Ratchet stared him dead in the optics. “I’d do iron instead of Aluminum or copper, cause it’s easier to find here.”  
Bee nodded quickly, backing away from Ratchet and already heading to the lab to get cooking, very uncomfortable with the way he said that. “Thanks a ton, Ratch!”  
“Don’t forget to make one for everybody! You can’t have all of them.” Ratchet yelled after him.  
Bee, barely listening, waved him over his shoulder and walked to the lab. He opened the message from Ratchet, and set to work.  
The cooking process was something completely abstract to Bee in every way. However, he clearly had a knack for it, as he only almost burned down the lab four times.  
That was one less than a normal day.  
His sprinkling techniques to add a little bismuth for color were not the greatest, sure, but there were only a few spots where it was completely blank, so he called them good.  
Grinning, he peeled one off the tray and took a tiny bite off the end.  
It… was definitely not what he was used to. Weirdly bitter, and the sharpness of the iron was a little overpowering. He sat down, taking another bite out of the stick.  
Nah, who was he kidding? It wasn’t that bad at all! He and Blitz would share them and joke about setting things on fire together, it was perfect.  
He started peeling each irregularly shaped stick off the mat and piling them up in his hand when Ratchet opened the door, asking, “How’er they coming?”  
Bumblebee blinked at him. “Ah, all done, actually.”  
Ratchet smiled softly. “Oh, I was going to come help you, but it doesn’t matter that much. How do they taste?”  
Bumblebee felt a small pang of sorriness, but he quickly shook it off. Focus, Blitzwing, date night. “Not bad at all!”  
Ratchet walked over. “Good to hear! Can I have one?”  
Bee nodded. “Yep! I made one for everybody, here you go!” He said snarkily, before running passed him and out of the room, hands full of the rest of the treats.  
“Kid, get back here this instant!” He heard behind him, but that only made Bee run faster. When he returned to his room, he stuffed the sticks under the card too, and then nodded once, ready to enact the final step.  
He zipped over and knocked on Prowl’s door.  
“Come in.” He heard him call, and Bee lazily pushed the door open, trying to look as aloof as possible. “Heya prowl.” He said, staring at his fingernails (even though he didn’t have fingernails). He didn’t wait for a response.  
“I’m ah… looking to find some flowers.” He said. “Know any?”  
Prowl, who was sitting in his tree, leapt gracefully down and stared at Bee. “You’re interested in flowers?”  
Bee nodded, eyes half-hooded. “Yeah, ya know. I’m pretty bored, thought learning something new might… what’re you doing?”  
Prowl had tapped Bee on the forehead before nodding once. “Checking to make sure it’s really you.” He said matter of factly.  
Bee lost his composure. “Ha ha, very funny.” He said.  
Prowl turned and walked over to his tiny rock garden. “What kind of flower are you trying to identify?” he asked, picking up the tiny rake beside the bowl of sand.  
“Um…” That wasn’t what Bee meant, but he could make this work. Hopefully.  
“Roma-…uh, roses.” He caught himself right before he said ‘Romantic ones’, walking over to him.  
Prowl slowly raked through the bowl of sand, Bee stared over his shoulder, watching as the tiny fork circled around rocks and traced four lines behind it. “Roses are a variety of colors, everything from paper white to scarlet. They grow in bushes, not bulbs, and have sharp thorns that protect them from being eaten or nestled in. They’re one of nature’s most beautiful defensive plants.”  
Bee nodded impatiently. “Yeah, but where can I find them?”  
Prowl put down the rake, but didn’t look back at Bee. “It depends on the kind you’re looking for. Different colors and varieties of roses also have different connotations. Red roses are for romantic feelings, pink roses often represent a more playful or youthful emotion, and tube roses…” Prowl cleared his throat. “Are fairly human-specfic.”  
Bee nodded rapidly. He needed to get this show moving.  
He tapped the side of his leg and asked, “So uh, that’s a lot. I bet some of them grow pretty close by, prolly in the woods, right?”  
Prowl turned and sat down at the base of his tree, legs crossed. “Sit.” He said.  
Bee bit the inside of his lip. He didn’t have time to sit…  
He plopped on the floor, drumming his fingers on the linoleum.  
“There are some roses found in the forests near here,” Prowl began. “But wild red roses are among the rarest of them all. However, long ago, before the city was built…”  
“…The glacier carved out lake Eerie by pushing the sediment up and out, generating nutritious soil for plant life. Then, the prairies started to develop. Soon, they covered the entire land mass…”  
“…but as time went on, the prairie roses were choked out as land was tilled for farming. Then came the rise of red roses, grown all across the country, they actually originated in Asia. Now, long before the cities of china we know today, roses were-”  
Bee couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up and said, “This is great and all, Prowl, but seriously where can I find some roses? All I want is some roses, alright? Actually, flowers of any kind! Is there some spot out in the woods where they grow? How do I get there?”  
Prowl’s head tilted up just a little to stare at him. “Bumblebee, it’s February. Wintertime.”  
Bee blinked. He blinked again. “Your point?”  
Prowl sighed. “There are no flowers blooming this time of year.”  
Bee’s mouth formed a straight line. He’d been sitting here, listening, for almost five minutes now! Five minutes that could have been spent not doing that!  
He huffed, saying, “Welp, I think I’m gonna go do something else now, good talk Prowl!” as he stood and started towards the door.  
“Did you learn something?” Prowl called after him.  
“Oh yeah, a ton of stuff!” Bee told him, trying not to seem rude as he skidded down the hallway and ducked into his room. 

Blitzwing couldn’t help but grin as he carefully tetrised the three sculptures he’d made for Bee into his subspace. He had patrol from sunset to sunrise, which meant he would have sunset to sunrise with Bee if he played his times right.  
The sculptures still rattled a little as he walked down the caverns. He loudly coughed into his fist, trying to and mask it as he entered the main hub. Lugnut, as punctual as always when arriving from surveillance and recall missions, passed him on his way down the cave.  
“Blitzwing, be careful! Sounds as though you may have a screw loose!” Lugnut joked with a chuckle.  
Blitzwing’s face spun around and he shouted, “I’ll knock a few of your screws loose if you don’t shut your mouth, lughead!” shaking his fist at him.  
Lugnut was already down the hall, probably off to go kiss Megatron’s boots.  
Blitzwing headed out of the cave and transformed, blasting off west, towards the sunset. Snowy trees flew passed beneath him, and the air was filled with a sharp coolness that bit at his plating as he zoomed.  
Outside of Detroit was a small development he and Bee discovered a long time ago. It was still under construction, but oddly enough there were never any construction vehicles there. Leading to the development, a road that was meant for trucks and cranes crossed an unused gravel path at the edge of the treeline; it was under that bridge they had their dates. Like a couple of trolls.  
Calmi spun his plane around in the air as he remembered the good times they had trying to pick the perfect spot. Orginally, it was just a clearing in the woods, but neither he nor Bee could remember exactly which clearing, and ended up getting lost more than once.  
Their second spot was an abandoned warehouse in Detroit, but the first time they tried to use that place someone called the cops on them, saying they had “watched a Decepticon struggle to get through the garage door of a warehouse”. Also in that Warehouse, Blitzwing couldn’t move around at all.  
Their third spot, and possibly their worst idea, was dinobot island. The trip there was long and freezing for both of them, and they couldn’t find each other once they got there either. That date had been a complete bust, as by the time they found each other, it was time for Bee to head back.  
Finally, they carefully planned a spot that was isolated, spacious, somewhat protected from the elements, and easy to remember how to get to.  
Blitzwing transformed and landed on the gravel road that snaked under the bridge. He barely had to duck to get under the edge of it, but he could stand fully upright after that.  
He nodded to himself once, ready to make this location as romantic as possible, and lowered his canons. 

“Here’s my last one, how’er yours coming?” Sari asked, siting down.  
Bee struggled to wrap the pipe cleaner around the bright blue tissue paper. It was only his second flower, and Sari had already done six. And the sun was setting.  
“Almost…” he muttered, and then fluffed out the petals. “There!”  
Sari smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it looks pretty good!” she grabbed it out of his hand, and the flower head fell off the fuzzy green stem. Again.  
Bee groaned, and Sari nudged him. “It’s no biggie. The seven we made is good enough. Where should we put them, there’s gotta be a vase or something around here…”  
Vase? Bee hadn’t thought of this happening, but before he could stop her, Sari already bundled up the flowers and walked over to the TV. There was a tiny oil container sitting by the couch Bee had forgotten to take care of, and she gently arranged their flowers in it. “There!” she said, shaking her new vase at Bee.  
Bee smiled. “Looks amazing. You should tell Bulk I took time out of my day to do art.”  
“I did most of these!” Sari told him as she spun on her heel and placed them on the coffee table.  
Bee rolled his optics. “Fine, fine.” He said, waving her off. Glancing at the orange sky out the window, he realized it was time to leave. He needed to come up with an excuse, fast.  
“I heard Half-life 3 was coming out tomorrow, so I was thinking I’d go wait for it outside the store all night.” AS he said that, he felt a pang of sadness at the fact that… there would probably never be a Half-Life 3.  
Sari rolled her eyes. “And freeze your butt off?”  
Bee shrugged. “I don’t get cold that easy.” He blatantly lied. “Besides, it’ll be nice to drive around and practice my drifting skills on the ice while I wait.”  
Sari laughed. “You have fun with that. I’m going to stay here and watch action movies until midnight!”  
“Have fun!” Bee wished her as he speed-walked down the hallway to his room.  
He stared at the card, the high-grade, the ruststicks, and also considered the flowers sitting on the coffee table In the living room.  
He tapped his chin, and then transformed. He had a lot more room in his alt mode for storing things. He reached over and carefully packed the energon and ruststicks in his backseat, only spilling a little, and then carefully laid the card on top. Course, now he had to get out of the base in his alt mode without raising alarm.  
He drove, quietly, steadily, to the main room, constantly looking in all directions in case he was being followed. Nada.  
The main room was empty.  
Slowly, he rolled over to the coffee table and grabbed the flowers, still in the vase. With a sigh of relief, he turned to drive out of the base.  
“Hey Bee!” Bulkhead called. Bee spun around, watching as his friend sat down at his easel to paint. “Where you going?”  
“Uh.” Bee panicked. “G-game store.”  
“Oh, alright.” Bulkhead said, getting back to work on his latest picture. “See ya little buddy.”  
Bee exhaled, and began turning back to the door.  
“Bumblebee, how long are you planning to be gone?” Optimus asked, making his way to the computer.  
Bee yelped in surprise, but then said, “Ah, um, all night?”  
“All night?” Optimus stared at him incredulously.  
Bee was about to take it back, make a more realistic time, when Optimus shook his head. “Alright, but keep your comms open in case we get a call.”  
“Ha ha, will do!” Bee assured him, as he started reversing towards the door.  
Ratchet tromped through the hallway and glared at Bee. “Kid, you owe all of us some Ruststicks! Ya can’t just go hide in your room and eat all of them like that!”  
Bee chuckled. “Ha ha, sorry, just reaaaal hungry, you know?” he felt the garage door behind him, and realized with a panic he wouldn’t be able to open it. The button was too high for him to reach with his arm in his alt mode.  
Prowl hopped out from behind the factory stuff, and stared at Bee. “Be careful on the roads tonight, they’re very icy.”  
Icy. He wondered if Blitz was already waiting for him, and why his team couldn’t just leave him alone. “Thanks, will do!” he said.  
Sari shot across the room to him, and jumped onto his hood, wrapping her arms around his windshield. “Valentine’s day means good bye hugs! Have fun freezing to death!” she joked.  
Bee relaxed a little, transforming just his arm and gently rubbing her back. “Thanks Sari.”  
She smiled at him and slid off, walking over to the couch.  
Finally, Bee looked around. Prime was working the computer, Ratchet was finicking with the factory equipment, Prowl was meditating on his mat, Bulk had returned to painting, Sari was turning on the TV.  
That was everyone.  
With a a heavy vent, he turned around to the door, ready to try and figure out how to open it, when it opened all on it’s own, and the police force piled into the factory.  
“Happy Valentine’s day!” They cried.  
Bee was swarmed on all sides by cops, including Captain Fanzone, who called, “Valentine’s is a big deal in this city, so the entire police force decided to make you all some gifts, against my judgment.”  
Several cops walked around Bee, holding giant wrapped presents. One police man tapped his hood and said, “You’re bumblebee, right? My son wants your autograph!”  
If Bee could’ve nodded quickly, then he would’ve. If he could’ve zipped out of the base without running someone over, he would’ve. “Yep, sure yeah, gimme a paper.”  
The police officer tore a piece of his notepad off and then felt in his pocket. He called, “Anyone have a pen?”  
Bee could feel himself sinking into the floor. He needed to go, he needed to go right now, for crying out loud the sky was purple now, stars were coming out.  
Nobody had a pen. Of course nobody had a pen. Sari had to run to her room to grab one.  
Bee could feel himself screaming internally.  
Finally, FINALLY, she came back with the pen. he took it, signed the napkin, shouted, “Gotta go bye!” and drove off.  
After he was gone, and there was nothing left except a small cloud of exhaust that swirled and dissipated into the air, Ratchet huffed and asked Optimus, “So, has he told you who he’s been dating for the past few months yet?”  
“No clue.” Optimus told him. 

Bee zipped down the road, barely pausing at stop signs and hitting the curb more than once in his haste. His thoughts crashed like ocean waves during a storm. Was Blitzwing waiting for him? Oh man, he was gonna be so surprised! But what if he didn’t like any of it? What if Blitzwing didn’t drink High Grade? He heard Decepticons weren’t allowed to, so he might’ve sworn off it! Or what if his Ruststicks were too different from the ones on Cybertron and Blitz didn’t like them? What if he thought flowers were pointless organic decorations and didn’t want them?  
Or, Bee thought at himself Sarcastically, what if none of it mattered and he would give his presents and they would still have a great date even if Blitzwing hated them?  
Eh? Eh?? Couldn’t he think about that instead?  
No, said the rest of his brain.  
The sun had sunk completely under the horizon, and now Bee rolled through the dark construction zone as the loudest thing within a ten mile radius. Up ahead, there was a orange and yellow glow.  
He slowed a bit, unsure at first what was on fire. Maybe some humans were having a bonfire on their bridge? He tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible as he drove closer.  
It was a bonfire all right, but it wasn’t humans.  
“Blitzwing!” he shouted.  
Blitzwing arose from the ditch and shot ice quickly over the fire. Bee sped towards him, watched as the CONCRETE BRIDGE burned before his eyes. He waved at Bee from behind the wall of fire, and quickly spun back as he quickly continued to extinguish the flames.  
Bee drove as fast as he could to the bridge. By the time he got there, all the flames had been suffocated under a thick layer of ice. Blitzwing flew just off to the side and nodded once at him. “Hello Autobot. I take it you weren’t followed.” He growled, lowering his canons at Bee.  
“Blitzwing why was the bridge just on fire?” Bee asked, completely by passing their usual security introductions.  
Blitzwing cleared his throat. “That’s none of your buisne-”  
“I wasn’t followed for crying out loud, why was the bridge on fire!?” Bee asked again.  
Blitzwing raised his canons and flew over, asking, “How was your day then, Bumblebee?”  
“Why the frag was the bridge on fire!?” Bee shouted, and Blitzwing hushed him, picking him up and flying him down to under the now ice-covered bridge.  
Still in his alt mode, Bee revved his engine and spun his wheels in frustration. “Blitzy why was the-”  
“Beautiful night isn’t it?” He interrupted.  
“Blitz-!”  
“Yes, it’s such a wonderful, cool night, perfect to spend with you.”  
Bee huffed, and Blitzwing gently placed him on the ground. He drove in a small circle and grumbled, “Yeah, it is, isn’t it.”  
Blitzwing had a small smile on his face as he said that, and it filled Bee with a glowing warmth. Almost as glowing as the bridge a minute ago.  
Blitzwing rubbed Bee’s roof. “Happy Vay-lentils day.” He whispered.  
Bee’s engine stopped purring. “What did you say?”  
Blitzwing’s head spun, and his smile grew across his face. “It’s an organic holiday all about love! Surprise!”  
“Vay-lentils?” Bee asked, barely able to hold back a laugh.  
Blitzwing cackled. “Ja, it’s a fleshy holiday like you like.” His face switched again. “I also have some gifts for you to celebrate an organic holiday. I had some candles as well, but they… melted.” He said slowly.  
“Vay Lentils?” Bee couldn’t keep his laughter in any longer.  
Blitzwing blinked at him. “Ja.”  
Bee coughed once. “It’s ah… it’s Valentines, Blitzwing.”  
Blitzwing blinked at him, expressionless. His pupils shifted a little in thought. Then his face switched and he growled, “I’ve only read it, okay?”  
Bee began laughing uncontrollably. “Vay lentils!” he cackled.  
“Be quiet!” Blitzwing yelled. “Is not my fault this stupid organic language has five different sounds for each letter!”  
Bee slowed his giggles, and said, “Yes, happy Vay-lentils day, Blitzbrain.”  
Blitzwing huffed, crossing his arms.  
“So… gifts you say?” Bee asked, bouncing a little on his wheels.  
Blitz’s face spun around. “Yes, gifts.”  
“Can I have them?” Bee asked, disallowing his voice to reveal any of his intended gift-giving.  
Blitzwing rolled his eyes and reached into his subspace, before stopping. “Transform first, please. I want to see your beautiful face.”  
“Doesn’t everybody?” Bee joked, transforming just his arm.  
“That’s not your face.” Blitzwing told him, eyelids hooding his optics.  
“Gimme a second, will ya?” Bee told him, “I have a few presents for you too.” As he reached into hiss backseat, a sudden flash of nervousness swept through his system. “Hope you like them, anyway.”  
He pulled out the card first, cause it was on top, then the high grade and sticks. Then, he transformed and reached in his subspace, pulling out the flowers. He bowed and held them to Blitzwing. “Here you go, mein liebling.”  
“Meine liebe.” Blitz responded.  
“You know what I mean.” Bee told him. Blitzwing took the flowers and his face spun. He buried his face in them and inhaled deeply. “Smells like pipe cleaners! My favorite!”  
Bee grinned. “And here’s this as well.” Bee handed him the giant card and ruststicks.  
Blitz gasped. “Where’d you get those?”  
“Made em.” Bee bragged, walking over and clambering onto Blitz’s chest to give him one. Blitzwing took one, gently, between his giant fingers and popped it into his mouth. He chewed, thoughtfully.  
“So?” Bee asked, shrugging. “How’s it?”  
“It’s… good. I haven’t had one of these for over a century, so I have vvirtualy no frame of reference for it, but it tastes fine.” Blitz said.  
Bee’s eyes widened. “Seriously? That’s a long time to go without them. Like, it’s been four years since I had one and I could barely handle it.”  
Blitz shrugged, shoulders scraping against the concrete behind him with an awful screech. “Rationing problems. Deserts and snacks are hard to come by.”  
He then opened the card. “You aren’t very plane, so tanks for being my Valentine. You spelled plain and thanks wrong.”  
Bee huffed and slid off Blitzwing, running over to grab the last gift. “That’s the joke, you know? Cause you’re a plane and a tanks? Get it?”  
Blitzwing blinked at him. His face spun around and he cackled, “Ooh! Like how a little Bumblebee can’t help pollen in love with me? I hope he has, cause he’s so Bee-utiful that everyday feels like a honeymoon!”  
Bee sighed in annoyance. “So, not to change the subject or anything, but when was the last time you had some of this stuff?” He asked, carefully climbing back onto his legs.  
“Energon? Yesterday.” Blitzwing told him, eying the liquid.  
“Guess again.” Bee sang, swishing the high grade in the cube.  
Blitzwing blinked at him once. His face switched. “I’ve never had neon pink lemonade before! Should be tasty!” he giggled.  
“Nope, last chance!” Bee told him, smile widening.  
Blitzwing’s eyes narrowed to small, red slits. His face switched again, and he said, “Well it’s either blood, or another substance I’m not going to mention, but I extremely hope it’s not an entire cube of that.”  
Bee cringed. “Ew, no! It’s high grade, moron!”  
Blitzwing blinked at him. Then his eyes widened. “The entire cube?” asked, amazed.  
Be shifted his weight on Blitzwing’s thigh. “Yeah?”  
Blitzwing gaped, and gently reached a finger over to touch it. “That’s so much…”  
“Seriously?” Bee said, amazed. “Ratchet had like, twelve of these.” He laughed, swirling it a little.  
Blitzwing’s eyes widened. “You’re not supposed to drink it straight from the cube, Bumblebee.”  
“What?” Bumblebee said. “What do you mean?”  
Blitzwing blinked at him in amazement. “You mix it with other things, like regular energon, or oil.”  
“Really?” Bee said, staring at it. “Why would you, it doesn’t look that bad.” He said, bringing it to his lips.  
“Bee wait!” Blitzwing said, but Bumblebee had already swallowed the liquid.  
His entire frame burned, and he quickly sputtered, coughing into his arm, carefully holding the high grade over his head to keep it from spilling. He felt it get lifted from his hands, and he collapsed to his knees, spluttering all over Blitz’s legs.  
“Bumblebee, vent now, regulate,” Blitz assured him, but Bee could barely hear him as his vision started swirling.He coughed a few more times, saying, “Hoo, that’s spicy.”  
“Yes, it is, very.” Blitzwing told him, and Bee laughed, standing up straight again, and then quickly deciding to sit back down. “Not my favorite, you know? Never had that stuff before, hahaha.”  
“You-” Blitzwing started before his face spun around and he yelled, “You’ve never had high grade before and you just drank it straight?!”  
Bee waved him off. “I’m fine.” He said, venting heavily. “Just a little bit of spice, not that bad at all. You should have some, you know, it’s for you.”  
Blitzwing frowned at him. “Are you joking? Did you bring nothing else to have it with?”  
“Home made rust sticks!” bee told him. “Almost burned down the lab making em. Three times, I think.” He giggled again.  
Blitzwing sighed, and his head spun back. “You’re drunk.” He told him.  
“Maybe…” Bee agreed, giggling again. “We should be drunk together though, that way, it’s romantic.”  
“Your logic is unbelievably flawed.” Blitz told him.  
“Your face is flawed.” Bee retorted, and then his eyes widened. “I didn’t mean that, Blitzy. Your face is perfect, all three of them. The best faces ever, besides my own, but like… you’ve got four fifths the best faces ever. Three fifths.” He counted on his fingers. “Three fourths. Yeah.”  
“Thank you.” Blitzwing said, and then looked at the high grade.  
Bumblebee laughed again. “Go ahead, have some. I stole the entire cube for you, cause yer so big. Huge. Lotsa cuddling room.”  
Blitzwing’s optics narrowed at him. Bee smiled lazily.  
Blitzwing sighed, and brought the cube to his lips, taking a small sip, and placing the still mostly-full cube on the ground. “My turn to give you presents.” He said, lifting Bee up.  
“Blitz!” he yelled, But Blitzwing had already sat up and nodded.  
He pulled three items out of his Subspace and placed them on the ground in front of Bee.  
Bee blinked at them. It was a little hard to tell what they were, so he picked up the first one. “This’s a cup?”  
“Read it.” Blitzwing told him.  
Bee squinted, trying to make out the carefully cut words. “‘Number one bug.’” He read, before going, “Awwww, that’s so sweet Blitzy!”  
Blitz’s face spun. “I was very frustrated and didn’t know what to write!” Blitzwing told him.  
“No, no I like it! I think it’s cute.” Bee told him, laughing as he spun it by the handle on his finger. “And you made it look like a human one too, so my team won’t think I’m sus.”  
“Think you’re what?”  
“Nevermind.” Bee said, holding the mug to his chest. “It’s perfect Blitzy.”  
“Well it’s not the only one!” Blitzwing said. “There’s two more, there.”  
Bee nodded. “I’m getting there.” He placed the mug in his subspace and bent down, grabbing the next gift, and his mouth opened in a happy smile. “It’s a Bumblebee!” he chirped.  
Blitz’s face spun. “A little Bee for a little Bee!” he crooned.  
Bee weighed the statue in his hands. It was about the size of his head, a striped oval with a cute curved stinger and an adorable blushing smiley face. It wasn’t painted, but he didn’t mind, it was still easy to tell what it was. “I’m naming him Gordon Freeman.” Bee told him.  
“That’s a perfect name! Remember to walk him daily and give him lots of treats!” Blitzwing giggled.  
Bumblebee grinned and carefully stuck the Bee statue in his chest. Finally, he reached down and picked up the last little sculpture.  
It was by far the smallest, and at first, Bee had no clue what it was. Some kind of small ornament hanging from a silver wire. He grabbed the base of the ornament and spun it like a top. “A toy?” he asked.  
Blitzwing’s face spun around again. “You should smell it.” He chuckled.  
Bee stared at him, eyebrows raised. “Smell it? Is this a prank?”  
“No, no no. Smell it.” Calmi urged, spinning his hand in front of his face mimicking a “wafting” motion.  
Bee blinked at him, and then held it to his face. A strong stench of pine filled his nose, and he held it back again. “What the-… oh. Oh!” he spun the wood carving of a tiny pine tree on his wrist, grinning. “It’s one of those little pine-tree car dangle thingies! I’ve wanted one of these since forever!”  
“I remembered you said something like that, so I tried to make one. I accidentally broke a tree when I threw Lugnut at it the other day, and decided it was perfect. Wood is a strange material to work with, catches fire very easily when welding. Soft, super simple to carve though, it took far too long to bend. Snaps too easily, think I’ll generally stick with stone, metal and ice, they just work better for me, even though I have a few ideas so I’m not just going to give up yet. Although, there are other types of organic wood. From what I’ve researched, pine isn’t the best but I think Oh-ak is a harder wood, so it’s a little easier to cut. Although I’m not sure how to identify these different materials yet…” The words streamed out of his mouth like a waterfall.  
Bee laughed. “I think that’s the most words I’ve ever heard you say in one sentence.” He gently reached into his subspace and hooked the 3D carving of a pine tree around his mirror.  
As the night went on, the temperature dropped lower and lower, and neither of them cared, the high grade slowly working through both their systems.  
“And Megan told ‘Arachnia, ‘we can’t keep all these bugs on board’ so she went and hid them in MY room.” Blitz explained as Bee snuggled up to his neck. “Then, she blamed me for eating them, and I told her it was her fault, she left an unordnung of tasty snacks in MY room! Though they weren’t really that tasty. I’ve only found one bug I actually thought was tasty.”  
Bee giggled, smooching under his chin as he felt Blitz’s giant hand rub his back. “Is it Bumblebees?” he laughed.  
“Nooooo…” Blitzwing chuckled. “Of course not!”  
“Are you suuuuure?” Bumblebee’s frame rumbled with concealed laughter.  
Blitzwing held one hand up, pointing at the sky. “All because one Bumblebee tastes like honey and sweetness and happy warm-fuzziness doesn’t mean alllll bumblebees do.”  
They were laying down now, Blitz staring up at the bridge over them with Bee splayed out on his chest. Bumblebee giggled again, and then sat up on his hands, staring right into Blitz’s crimson eyes. He smiled and lowered himself down, planting a kiss on his mouth.  
The rest of the world was silent, but the warmth and elation Bee felt was louder than a freight train. He lifted up, and fell back to Blitz’s neck, running his lips along the smooth plating.  
Blitzwing shook him gently, and he opened his eyes again. “It’s snowing.” Blitzwing whispered.  
Bee turned and stared up at the bridge. His eyes shot two blue lights up at it, and tufts of white swirled around in them against the black sky.  
He giggled, turning back to Blitzwing and cuddling even closer. “Happy Vay Lentils day.”  
Blitzwing sighed. “Happy Vay Lentils, Bumblebee.” He said, and they both dozed off under the peaceful flutters of snow.

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone have a happy Valentine's day! Follow @robotoxytocin on tumblr for notifications on possible future fics!


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